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04 November 2008 @ 08:34 am
I voted - now all that's left is the drinking.  
It's ridiculously early here, and my polling place was already hopping. The college student in front of us in line had to go outside the room and turn his "McCain - Palin" shirt inside out, because no partisan messages are allowed. That said, another student with the brilliant "Joe" sticker (the one in the style of a plumber's name badge) on his hoodie got off Scot free. Voting was uneventful--like most Americans, I trusted my ballot to a computer, so I won't be surprised if Max Headroom wins by massive write-in campaign tonight.

Now all that's left is the drinking. I have yet to put together a drinking game for tonight, but I'm working on it--although it's not as cool as Pantarch's betting sheet. Tell me your own suggestions! Here are my ideas:

"It's a little early for me, but thanks anyway": 6 p.m. ET:
> If New Hampshire goes red, drink.
> If Indiana goes blue, drink.
> If Kentucky goes blue, have a long, stiff drink. Preferably bourbon.

"Oh, a toddie for the body, don't mind if I do": 7 p.m. ET:
> If Virginia goes red, drink.
> If North Carolina or Florida go blue, drink.
> If Ohio goes red, drink. If Ohio goes blue, drink.

"Keep pouring": 8 p.m. ET:
> If Pennsylvania goes red, drink.
> If Missouri goes blue, drink.
> If Pennsylvania, Virginia, and Ohio have all been called for Obama, raise your glass to John McCain, and the magic trick he has to perform tonight.

"Where do you keep the strong stuff?": 9 p.m. ET:
> If Colorado or New Mexico go blue, drink.
> If Michigan goes red, drink.

[If by this point Texas, Oklahoma, or any of the deep South states has gone blue, or if New York or any of the regular New England states has gone red, have a big drink and shake your head at this crazy, crazy world. Keep your eye on the CNN ticker for births of two-headed calves.]

"Keep the glass, gimme the bottle": Later than 9:
> If Nevada goes blue, drink. No, red.
> If California goes red (or if Alaska goes blue), stand a baseball bat in the middle of the room, put your forehead on the end of it, and run around in a circle. (If you tried to put your head on the lower end of the bat, congratulations, you're done.)

"It's going to be a long night": Ongoing:

> When Wolf Blitzer says "unprecedented," "history-making," "record turnout," or "big gamble," drink.
> When Michelle Norris, Robert Segal, Don Gagnier, Brian Naler or Joel Rose (or anyone from NPR) makes a lame joke to buy time, drink.

> When someone stresses the importance of the absentee votes, drink.
> When someone mentions the Bradley Effect, drink. If it actually appears to be happening, drink twice.
> When foul play is suggested, drink. When foul play is suggested in Ohio or Florida, drink twice.
> When someone says "glitch," drink.
> When Obama is compared to Carter or Hoover, drink. When he's compared to Lincoln or Kennedy, drink twice.
> When McCain is compared to George W. Bush, drink. When he's compared to Reagan or Eisenhower, drink twice.
> When an interviewee says Palin is "like us," or represents "real America," drink.

> When a member of the news media rails against the liberal bias of the news media, drink.
> If Ralph Nader, Matt Gonzales, Bob Barr, Alan Keyes, or Ron Paul come on the air, drink.
> If Ann Coulter comes on the air, turn the sound off and drink.

> Whenever a state is called one way and then called another, drink.
> Each time the country is called one way and then called another, drink twice.
 
 
 
hrafntinnahrafntinna on November 4th, 2008 05:35 pm (UTC)
Entertaining that Joe should get off "scot free." Etymologically, scot = tax.
pantarchpantarch on November 4th, 2008 06:22 pm (UTC)

Ha! Glad you made it through the scrum. And I also admire your bipartisan drinking game!
Ewigweiblicheewigweibliche on November 4th, 2008 07:04 pm (UTC)
Wish you were drinking at my place tonight!
fictional_emilyfictional_emily on November 11th, 2008 03:52 am (UTC)
you must have been very ill come wednesday